Demolition Man: A Psychiatrist's Analysis

Forgoing an edition of Micro Retro Reviews for today, I instead am going to take an in-depth look at a game that doesn't need one, Demolition Man.

Released probably in 1994 and developed by Sly Stallone himself over the period of 9 months - yes, 9 months, because it's akin to a living, breathing baby - Demolition Man is based on the award winning film of the same name. I'm just kidding, I just don't feel like doing any research. This game has more gunplay and explosions than the middle east, and more Wesley Snipes than the past decade. LOLCUZHEHASNOCAREER. All the enemies throughout the game appear to be heavily armed homeless people, so obviously Sylvester Stallone's mission is to free them of their vagrancy by slaughtering them all.

A lot of movie based video games in the 90's actually kicked ass, and this one's no exception. Every now and then a side scrolling level will give way to a top down perspective level where you do more shooting up than River Phoenix, and your finger spends more time on the trigger than a Palestinian child's. The best thing about the game, though, is the voice samples used to perfection. In fact, I frequently found myself going into the 90's video game staple 'Sound Test' mode just to hear Wesley Snipes garbled cry of "I'MMABLASTFROMMAPAST."

This is honestly one of the best movie video games I've ever played. Then again, I've played ET: The Extra Terrestrial. But luckily my suicide attempt failed and I carried on to play this awesomeness. It's a shame we never got a game titled Play the Boredom: The Scarlet Letter and The Crucible. Think about it, The Crucible could be an RPG, they're always shit boring. Play as John Proctor and go around talking for 6 hours, then get hanged.