Drive-Thru review

I realize I've yet to review a serious movie yet, but the time will come, kid. The time will come. But right here and now I present a review of a movie heavily favored to sweep the Academy Awards this year, a piece of Americana known as Drive-Thru.

Holy shit, what a piece of shit. I'm not kidding, this is a movie you can imagine that has a director who had to choose between either this, porn, or getting a real job. The 'plot', if it can actually be called that, is like a heavily raped Nightmare on Elm Street, only with a retard instead of a molestor. The killer returns to extract revenge on the children of those who killed him, and like every supernatural vengeful murderer, he feels the need to dress in an elaborate costume, and apparently found the time to sculpt a clown outfit you can picture a smelly kid who listens to ICP and has an overweight girlfriend wearing.

The main character is a free-spirit, pot smoking psuedo-'goth' chick that's likely the director or writer's poor attempt at making some left wing social comment, but one I don't give any semblance of a shit about because it's out of place. The supporting characters are all idiots who die idiotically and implausibly, and dare I say deserve it anyway. The killer never shuts the fuck up, and everytime someone is killed random hardcore metal starts blaring, which I thought was kind of cool at first but then started to annoy me. The 'boyfriend' character makes no fucking sense, either, and the ending of the movie is more confusing than the ethnicities of Angelina Jolie's children.

I realize the movie is supposed to be more parody than horror but does every 8/10 horror movies have to be poorly done and cliched parodies? The fire breathing special effect at the end looked like something anyone with a computer and access to early 90's graphics could make, and the death scenes were more drawn out than a Jay Leno monologue. I don't see what's supposed to be so scary about clowns, but certainly this clown, dressed like the lovechild of early Marilyn Manson and Ace Frehley, wouldn't strike fear in anyone but the stupidest of teenagers. The movie follows every cliche in the book, including a twist no one cares about, and an inept cop that at least serves for some comedy value. The acting quality is matched only by the sense of the plot, and only about 6 minutes of the actual movie even takes place at a 'drive thru.' The rest of the time, we're treated to Misunderstood Teen Main Character and her dipshit friends trying to unravel a mystery even Scooby Doo wouldn't give a shit about.

Overall I liked this film.